


Ever After

by MLPMI6



Series: Tests of Time [1]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Marianas Trench (Band), Social Code (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, Concerts, Daddy Josh, Friends With Benefits, Josh is the Doctor, Minor Original Character(s), Other, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Polyamory, Song Lyrics, The Doctor's Sister, remembering the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-12-28 16:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLPMI6/pseuds/MLPMI6
Summary: Josh's nights have been filled with only strange dreams, dreams of a faraway land that feel so real. When he meets a young girl during a concert everything changes and Josh's world is thrown into question.  Between finding himself, and figuring out who the girl is Josh also is juggling confusing relationships. He just hopes that he can figure it all out before it starts having an effect on his mental health.





	1. Chapter 1

Taking a deep breath I pushed myself into a sitting position, gently rubbing an eye as I gently hoped out of bed.

It was a somewhat chilly night, and the bus was cast in shadows. But I didn't mind as I made my way to the front, getting dressed with ease. At that point, I knew my way around the bus like the back of my hand, so slipping out was a breeze. Stepping out into the winter air I leaned against the rise of the bus with a small sigh. Smirking I blew another puff of air into the night sky. It was nice out and the moon was shining a brilliant orange.

"You good Josh?" Matt whispered, gently pulling me into a side hug. "What's on your mind?"

"Just a strange dream," I admitted, shrugging. "Did I wake you?"

Matt chuckled and shook his head, ruffling my hair playfully. His brown eyes were sparkling with joy as he stepped in front of me, grabbing my other shoulder.

"You going to come back to bed?"

Pausing I shrugged, fiddling with the drawstrings of my sweater. It was somewhat cold, but I knew I wasn't just getting back to sleep. It wasn't going to be that easy, it never was.

Matt sighed, pulling me into a deep hug. "What about coming back with me?"

Before I could respond Matt's lips were pressed lovingly against mine, a hand tangling itself in my hair as his other ran up my back.

Gasping, my eyes fluttered closed as I pulled him close. Matt quickly took advantage of my move, kissing and nipping my kneck as I gently moaned. Taking a deep breath I braced against Matt's knee, gently thrusting my hips as he nipped.

"Oh, eager?" Matt teased gently, pulling back with a smirk. "You really want to do it here?"

"Yes." I purred, moaning as he began gently palming my cock. "Don't tease."

Matt nodded pulling me tight, quickly tossing my shirt and sweater to the ground. Kissing down my kneck he stopped at my nipples, teasing and nipping momentarily, before continuing to my low pant line.

Moaning I quickly got to work tossing kicking off my sneakers and stepping out of my pants. Tangling a hand in his hair softly as he took my cock in his mouth.

"Matt." I purred, spreading my legs slightly. "God that feels good."

Purring Matt picked up his pace, gently toying my ass with a finger. A heavy chill ran down my spine, thrusting my hips gently as he swirled his tongue around my cock.

"Matt, please. Take me."

"Not yet," he whispered pulling back with a smirk. "I need some entertainment too love."

Pulling off his shirt Matt pulled me into another deep kiss, tossing his pants. Panting I moaned as he began gently grinding his hips against mine. Meeting his pace, I let out a small yell as my cock twitched.

Panting lightly I collapsed to my knees, easily taking his cock into my mouth. It was slightly salty with sweat but still tasted good as I ran my young against the tip. Bobbing my head I dropped a hand to my own cock, gently rubbing it as Matt grabbed my hair, locking my head in place as he started thrusting his hips.

As his cock hardened Matt gently pulled away, turning me to the bus and pushing me against it. Moaning, I braced gasping as he gently ran a thumb over my asshole, probing it as he toyed with my ass.

"Matt please."

Matt didn't respond as he pushed a finger into my ass, kissing my neck passionately. It wasn't long before his finger was joined by a second, then a third.

"This is going to hurt," Matt whispered, running the tip of his dick against the hole. "You sure you're ready for this?"

Nodding, I gently but my lip. As he pushed in, a small whimper escaped my lips. The warmth felt too good but the prickling pain was distracting.

Tossing my head back I moaned, the pain quickly subsiding as Matt continued working, nipping my kneck playfully.

"Matt, I love you." I moaned struggling to get a hold on anything. "Harder!"

Picking up his pace Matt quickly pulled my hair, gently scratching my back as I began panting. A bit of pre-cum dripped down my cock as Matt picked up the pace once more, pulling a soft yell from my lips.

"Fuck, I'm close. I'm so fucking close Matt." I responded, moaning loudly as he wrapped a hand around my cock. "Don't stop."

Matt simply nipped my kneck in response, scratching my stomach a bit harder. Moaning I struggled to take in a good breath as the world swirled around me, bliss melting into a high as climax neared. Meeting his pace I began thrusting my hips, yelling as my cock erupted with cum.

Resting my head against the cold metal of the bus I painted as I felt Matt unload in my ass. His breath hot against my kneck as I began panting. Slowly Matt pulled back, pulling his pyjamas on and kissing my neck. Slowly I turned, leaning on the bus as I slowly regained my breath.

"I suppose you're going to want a smoke right?" He asked, chucking as I remained still. "You good?"

Nodding I smiled back at him, kissing him quickly before pumping on my pants. Fishing through my sweater pocket I pulled out my pack and lit a cigarette, blowing a puff of grey smoke into the chilly night sky.

"Stay?" I whispered, blushing heavily as I glanced over at him.

"Sure, Josh." He responded, nodding towards the nearby bench. "Why don't we sit?"

Smiling I followed, leaving the rest of my stuff near the bus. It was a nice enough night and the sex had been good, I wasn't going to need them until we headed back in. Even then no one would care if any of the others were mostly naked, heck it was a common sight even. Yawning slightly, I lit a smoke, snuggling against Matt's shoulder, knowing that sleep would come a lot easier when we got back to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up to the smell of coffee I pulled myself out of bed once more and made my way to the main section of the bus. Mike was standing over a pan of bacon and eggs. It wasn't quite the same as Matt's waffles, but for what we had it was good.

"Morning love bird. Have fun last night?" He asked, teasing as he nodded to Matt.

"Shut up," I said, sticking my tongue out playfully. "You're just jealous that you don't get any."

Mike chucked as Ian handed me a cup of coffee. Taking the glass I sat next to Matt, sipping with a smile. It was shitty bus coffee but it was still coffee.

"You sounded happy, I don't know why you don't just make it a thing," Ian whispered, gently ruffling my hair. "You two are cute together."

"It's not like that Ian," I responded, leaning quietly against Matt as I sipped my Coffee. "Were just really good friends."

"Very passionate friends."

"Fuck off Mike," I called, smiling as Ian handed over a plate. "What is is all this? You don't normally attempt a full breakfast on the bus."

Mike didn't respond as Ian disappeared into the back, returning with my cigarettes. Perking an eyebrow I watched as he placed transferred them into a black box and slid it to me.

"Okay, really what the hell is this?" I asked examining the box. "A puzzle box of sorts?"

"Custom," Ian responded, sitting across from me. "Thought it could serve something of a dual purpose. Stimming and prevention."

"Thank you," I whispered, turning my attention to my food. "What's planned for today?"

"We have a concert tonight."

"Hopefully we didn't go too hard."

"Not you too Matt. God, you have a nice cock but some times I really hate you." I teased, kissing him gently.

"Not like that?" Ian teased, peaking from the pulled curtain. "I know you two are kissing."

"Cant two friends kiss?" I asked, heart, fluttering as Matt wrapped around my shoulders. He was warm against my skin, and he still smelled sweet from the prior night.

"Sure, of course," Matt said with a nod. "Of course you can."

"I'm guessing we are heading to the hotel after food," I said, fishing quickly and washing my dishes. "Because I definitely could use a shower."

"With Matt?"

"Fuck off Mike."

"God, for a switch you act so much more like a sub."

"Ian help," I said, mocking a whimper.

"You're the one who decided to bang last night man. I can't help you." He responded, returning with a smile. "Maybe you should teach him a lesson."

Shaking my head I disappeared behind the curtain, abandoning my pyjamas for a pair of dark jeans, a black t-shirt and a red tie. Taking a deep breath I chuckled, it was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

Taking a deep breath I stepped onto the stage, smiling as I was greeted by the cheers of the crowd and the melody of my friends. My hair fell nicely over my eye as I took the mic in my hands. I loved the small surge of adrenalin that preforming gave me, the control that it allowed me to have on my life.

"I never took you for a trick but sometimes I don't know what you want; I can take it if you need to take this put on someone." Allowing the lyrics to flow, I quickly closed my eyes, bracing for the lights as everyone hit there cue. I never understood why the lighting people did that past the dramatic reveal. From my perspective, they just hurt.

_'They already know who I am.'_ I thought, allowing the music to flow easily. _'But I suppose the reveal is dramatic. I'm all up for dramatic when it's not painful. Maybe I can work that out with the manager eventually.'_

Shaking my head I opened my eyes, turning my attention from my thoughts to the world around me. Hopping down in front of the stage I momentarily winced, laughing it off as I quickly recovered. With a quick breath, I gave a thumb up, the universal signal of 'I'm good.' Scanning the crowd I pulled myself onto the stage, winning my legs as I sat. They were going to be sore in the morning.

"Hello, Toronto! How is everyone tonight?" I called laughing wholeheartedly at the screams. "You all know who I am, if you don't why the fuck are you here!"

"There are children here!"

The yell pulled a chuckle from my lips arms I pulled myself back to my feet. for a moment tears formed in the corners of my eyes, but they quickly faded. "Children? Let me see!"

For a moment no one spoke, but soon a clearly young child ran to the small division fence. My heart fluttered, locking eyes with her brilliant blue ones. I don't know what it was about the small seven years old. If it was the short, messy copper hair, the slightly tanned skin or the brilliant blue eyes but something seemed familiar about her. Taking a deep breath I lowered myself down and headed up to her, picking her up I placed her on stage climbing up next to her.

"What's your name?"

"Nadia, Nadia Smith." She responded, blushing slightly as I held out the mic for her. "Your one of my favourites."

Looking her over quickly I chuckled at her shirt. Got Travis would get a kick out of that one if I decided to rub his ego. "Social Code too from the looks of it. Yeah, there great. Me and Travis are actually really good friends."

Carrying her to the stage I placed her on the edge hopping back up and going back to the songs.

* * *

I was able to make my way through most of the concert no issue before it happened. Nadia had tensed like she was sensing something, moving away from the speakers. At first, I thought nothing of it; she was small, maybe it was just a little overwhelming. Then the boom sounded, and the pain that entered my ears was unbearable. Dropping the Mike I quickly covered my ears, glancing over at the blown-out speaker. I could hardly focus but I was able to mostly recover quickly.

"Is everyone okay?" I yelled, making my way to the front of the stage. "You all good?"

The quick response of yes helped as I took a few deep breaths. Nadia quickly pushing herself into my side as I went to check on her. She seemed alright, but I knew the quiet that came with a shutdown. Offering a soft smile I carefully picked her up, letting out a relieved sigh as she leaned into my shoulder.

"Good, well luckily we were almost done anyways. Sorry for cutting things short, but I can't go on right now. I don't want to risk another accident. " I responded, "Whoever brought Nadia, I'm just bringing her to get some water. I'll bring her out with the rest of the band, I just want to make sure everything's good with her. She was kind of close."

Turning I carried her off the stage. I didn't care how much trouble I could get in, I just wanted to make sure she was responsive before she was the paramedics. 


	4. Chapter 4

Collapsing on my bed I let out a small sigh, gently tapping against my bedside table impatiently. I couldn't sleep, but it was late. Too late to reasonably call most people. Not that my friends were exactly most people, but I still didn't want to be a bother.

_'I could always call Travis.'_ I thought, rolling onto my side.

Travis was an old friend, a very close friend. He was also quite good looking. He had sort skin, dark brown-green eyes, and messy brown hair. His ears were priced with stretchers. The holes from them were small but he looked cute with them in.

Grabbing my phone I quickly dialled his number and waited. "Hey Jay, you good?"

"Can't sleep." I sighed, sitting quickly.

"How about I pick you up for some fun at my place?"

"What kind of fun?" I asked, gently biting my lip.

"That kind of fun." 

"Sure." Blushing I hug up. Taking a few deep breaths I pushed my phone into my sweater pocket, heading out to the patch. As I waited I lit a smoke, taking a few deep, calming breaths.

* * *

Pulling into Josh's parking lot I smirked, quickly looking him over. Everything was normal, but the apple bangs were new.

"Come on Josh," I called, smiling as he stepped into the back.

"Hey, Trev," I whispered, leaning against the window. "Thanks for agreeing to this."

"Agreeing? I offered."

"I know, I just..."

"Makes it easier to take it on?" I whispered, reaching back an taking his hand. "You sure you want this?"

Josh was silent for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. "Honestly I don't know. I mean yes, I really do. I want to be with you more than anything in the world. I just...I'm scared, Travis. I'm scared and I don't know what I feel."

"This isn't the only thing bugging you is it?" I asked, pulling over at a nearby park. "Talk to me, Josh."

"A bit of it is my sexuality, hell most of it is my stupid fucking sexuality. I'm not bi, it's not gender that gets me horny."

"Bisexual could refer to the two base sexes."

"No. Sex, gender. I don't care."

"Personality?"

"Maybe. But I clearly have a type. You, Matt, Jake that one time!"

"I don't see it," I whispered, leading him to a bench. "I really don't see it, love. Josh, are you okay?"

"I am romantically attracted to you, okay. I love you, and I love Matt." He hissed, tears quickly filling his eyes as he dropped his head. "But I can't do anything with it. I know I couldn't be faithful, I couldn't just have one of you. I want you both."

"That's okay Josh. That's perfectly okay. So you like a bit of polygamy, no one said you have to have one lover."

Josh was silent before smiling, gently whipping his eye. "Then there is that strange girl from the show. Travis, I know her from somewhere, that kid looked too familiar for me not to. I just couldn't tell you where."

"What did she look like?"

"She was seven, little. Tanned olive skin, short copper hair, brilliant blue eyes." Josh responded taking a deep breath. "God those eyes. They are the kind of eyes you don't forget, you don't mistake. I know her from somewhere, I just don't know."

Holding him close I gently kissed his forehead, petting his arm as he struggled to calm down. After a while he forced himself to take a few deep breaths, whipping his eyes gently

"Trav, do you think it's possible that we... could we be related?"

"Maybe. Perhaps she has something to do with those dreams." I responded, "Maybe you could give those a second thought."

Josh didn't respond as he lay against my side. He seemed distracted, nuzzling gently against my kneck. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course Jay," I responded, sighing softly as she quickly pulled out his smokes, effortlessly solving the puzzle and pulling one out. He had been finishing one when I arrived, the stress had to be bad for him to break his one per night rule. Kissing his forehead I held him close, he needed me, that was all that really mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

As Travis pulled into his driveway I smiled. Following him into the comfortably small house, I collapsed on the couch and flicked on the television.

"An incident this week has left fans of Marianas Trench concerned about there safety." The newswoman reported, voice holding little true emotion. "During a concert two nights ago, a speaker blew out sussing concern among fans. No one seems to be injured, yet the lead singer Josh Ramsay reacted the worst."

"Turn it off," Travis called, shaking his head. "No use worrying yourself. "

"I know Trav, I just wanted to make sure no one was hurt."

"And that's great, but your tapping." He replied, pulling me into a hug. "Please don't stress yourself more. Besides, I want to know if you are okay. 

Nodding I snuggled against his kneck, purring happily as I handed over the remote. Quietly he switched to a baking channel, running a hand softly down my leg. Despite the small amount of tingling from the botched landing it felt really good.

"Hey Travis, do you think it's weird?"

"What?"

"That I weight the way I do."

"No," He whispered, letting out a soft sigh. "What's going on Josh? I mean I know you have your doubts, but I'm kind of worried. "

"A little heavy-hearted," I admired. "Insomnia's a bit and I haven't been getting any good sleep. Just those dreams, there getting to me."

Travis was quiet, turning off the television and turning to me. Turning to face hinnI smiled, leaning into his hug. He always understood when I needed help, and when I needed to snuggle.

"And now on top of that, I'm really questioning my sexuality. Like I've always known I wasn't straight I just never had to put any thought into it, so I didn't I just kept the title." I sighed taking a deep breath. "I know I'm safe, I know my family won't care. But there was something safe about being straight and having fun with a few friends."

"I get it."Travis responded, smiling slightly. "You're going through a lot right now. It makes sense to be a little stressed out, I just don't want you making yourself sick over this."

"I'm just overthinking this shit." I sighed. "It's mostly insomnia. Which may not be helped by my shitty sleep schedule. Between concerts, practice and just hanging out I've absolutely fucked myself over."

"Not to mention late interviews," Travis added with a nod. "But I have a friend that could help you with that."

"Thank you, Trav. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without you. " I whispered, quickly kissing him with a smile. "Why don't we head to bed?"

Travis was silent for a moment before chuckling. "Sure, Josh."


	6. Chapter 6

Watching as Josh playfully collapsed into bed I smiled, quietly watching as he pulled off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked, smiling as he pulled off his pants tossing then to the side with a soft purr. "Eagar as ever are we?"

Josh didn't respond as he tossed his boxers, rolling onto his stomach before pulling himself to his hands and knees.

"Come now Josh, don't make me do all the work." I teased, gently kissing his neck as I tossed my shirt to the ground. "You're going to make people think you're a sub at this rate."

Josh didn't respond, simply moaning as I pressed my crotch against his ass, gently grinding my hips. Biting my lip I pulled back, tossing my pants and boxers to the pile of cloaths, and rolled Josh onto his back. Pinning him in place I quickly mounted him with a passionate kiss. As the kiss deepened I began gently grinding against him.

_'If he is going to act like a sub, treat him like one.'_

Biting his lip I began grinding down harder, gasping at the heavy moan that left his lip. His cock was hard as I momentarily paused, pulling back slightly. "Safewords."

"Green, Red, Yellow." He responded, taking a deep breath. "Not too hard okay?"

Nodding I pulled him into a deep kiss, grinding hard once again. As his cock grew hard I stopped, breaking the kiss and gently petting his hair. Josh quickly began passionately licking the length as I held him in place, moaning as I pushed my cock into his throat. He was able to react quickly, grabbing the base of my cock gently before I pushed him too far. He was always good at taking cock, despite his past issues. Holding him still, I slowly began thrusting, cock throbbing as he heavily moaned. His tongue ring was cold against my cock as it ran against it.

Pulling out I slipped off the bed, pulling Josh gently to the edge and pushing his legs apart. Panting lightly I ground against his cock, pre-cum dripping down the tip of my twitching cock.

"Please. Please take me." Josh begged whimpering as his cock twitched. I didn't listen pulling back with a small smirk. 

"Knees" I ordered, nodding to the floor in front of the bed. "Hands behind your back."

Josh let out a small argumentative whine but completed as I pulled back. Making my way to him I quickly started jacking myself off, breath breaking at I quickly became close. With a loud shout, I came, warmth spreading through my body as a thick stream of white coated Josh's chest. Sitting on the bed I spread my legs, moaning as Josh took it in his mouth once more. Bobbing his head he locked eyes with me as he swirled his tongue around the shaft.

Panting lightly I gently pulled him back, slipping out before laying him over the bed. Quickly testing his ass with a thumb I pushed my cock in, quickly thrusting as he moaned. Nearing climax a second time I took Josh in my hand, toying with his cock as he pleasingly moaned, breath coming in short pants. Keeping my quick pace I moaned as Josh exploded in my hand, warm cum dripping to the bed as I filled his ass.

Pulling back I gasped as Josh piled me into a deep kiss, panting as he followed me into the bathroom. His skin was extremely warm to the tush, but he was smiling.

"That was amazing Josh." I painted, smiling as he quickly turned on the shower. Watching I leaned against the wall as he stepped under the cold water, joining him quickly as he began watching off.

"I hate you." He teased, rolling his eyes. His smile faded quickly however ad something seemed to click in his head. "I've been really submissive lately."

"That's alright. As long as your enjoying yourself. " I responded, palming some shampoo into my hair.

"No Travis I mean it four nights I've bottomed twice." Josh sighed running a hand through his hair. "I've been a really horny sub. Normally I'm an average switch. "

"Josh, I don't mean to be coy or come off as pushy when I ask this. But have you been taking any medication?" I asked rinsing off as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Not allowed to take that kind of thing. Addictive personality plus a potential addiction source."

"Not allowed or don't trust yourself."

"I don't trust myself. " Josh sighed, smiling weakly as I locked eyes with him. " Why should I?"

"Maybe talk to your therapist, if he suggests medications try. Make a plan with Mike, Ian and Matt and find a way that you can."

"I'll think about it." He whispered, chuckling as I gently kissed him. "Travis, do you think I'm not depressed. Well, not that there is no depression, but what if there is something more."

"Josh. You need to talk to your therapist." I whispered, watching as he collapsed into the bed. "You're not hitting very long highs, and are dipping really deep into the lows."

"I know."

Sighing I made my way to my dresser I pulled out two pairs of silk pyjamas. Placing the light green ones on the bed, I pulled on the purple ones.

Grabbing the bottoms I gently lifted Josh's legs into the hols, smiling as he allowed me to dress him quickly.

"I'll go with you if you want."

"Thank you, Trav. I don't want to bug my band with this." He sighed, snuggling against my chest. "I love you."


	7. Chapter 7

Quietly sitting in the waiting room I took a deep breath as the Doctor walked out of the office. Making her way forward she smiled as she stopped in front of me. She smiled softly as she paused.

"Travis Nesbitt correct?" She asked, smiling when I nodded. "Thank you for bringing him here, he needed it. Actually he wanted me to inform you of his current status."

"Are you sure?" I asked, following her to the room. "Are you sure Josh?"

"Travis, you have always been a very powerful emotional supporter. I have been able to turn to you for anything." He responded, not looking up from the table. "I want you to have full access to my records, to my files. Travis, I want you to be my primary responder to anything related to my mental health."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, Travis." He responded, smiling up at me. "Because you are getting me help. Matt is amazing, all the boys are. But they are sometimes better at giving space."

"I'm more than willing to do that for you, Josh. If you want me to be your mental health assistant and responder, I will be that person for you." I whispered kneeling in front of him as his face slowly fell. "You really aren't doing great right not are you?"

"Travis, they don't know why. They don't know why, but... I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. " Josh admitted pulling me into a tight hug. " They suspected it so they had me do some tests my last visit, they got the results. I have to see a specialist to confirm, but the likelihood is extremely high."

"This might sound bad, but you have to let me finish."

"Shoot."

"That's good. If you get that diagnosis then we can figure out what is causing it, and what started causing you to really show symptoms."

"He's right. Maybe this will help you with the dreams and the stress. Perhaps it will even help you with potentially blocked memories. "

"And I can figure out how I know Nadia."

"Yeah. We can figure out how you know her." I responded, holding him close. "That will be a great discovery."


	8. Chapter 8

Pulling myself up from the admittedly scratchy carpet I smiled, rushing towards the large building blocks. The colourful blocks were the best part of free play, and if used the right way made a really good fort.

Getting to work I quickly carried the bin to the corner and got to work, dumping them out and sorting the blocks first by colour then by shape and finally size.

'Purple is the strongest colour, it holds up the rainbow the most.' I thought, quickly starting the process of laying the bricks. "Then it's blue, then the green, yellow, orange then red.'

Smiling I finished with the largest of the bricks, the best-stabilized shapes. Then I moved the long flats, pausing as a girl walked up to me.

"May I play?"

"No, I don't want to," I responded, shaking my head.

"But you have to share." She responded, pouting slightly.

"Go away, please."

The girl was silent a moment before pushing the blocks hard. My eyes widened as they can crashing down, eyes widening as the girl let out a shocked laugh.

"Run." I hissed quietly, grabbing the largest of the red blocks.

"Why? You went sharing, so I stopped you from playing too. You always hug the bollocks, and you never let anyone else play."

"Yeah, your just a jerk!" A boy added, making his way to the girl's side with two others. "You shouldn't have the block anymore."

"Leave me alone. Just leave." I could feel my breath shaking.

"Why should we? You always do this. You act like a jerk then you try to play the victim. When will you understand that your not." A second girl taunted, letting out a yell as the block connected eath his forehead. My heart began racing as she fell, blood pouring down her forehead.

Everyone was screaming as the teacher rushed towards the now bleeding girl. Picking her up she quickly shot me a look and headed to the front of the class. I could feel my breath hitching as she dialled someone, ears ringing as I curled into the corner.

"No. No no no." I hissed, clenching my hands into fists, nails biting into my palms. "It shouldn't have hit her, It wasn't meant to hit her!"

Biting my lip I felt a tremor run down my spine as a small taste of blood entered my mouth. I nearly felt it as I struggled to breathe, chest burning as I struggled with the normally simple task.

'Idiot!' I thought, rapping my hands into my head. 'You hit her. You made her bread, you made her red!'

* * *

"She had another episode. I'm sorry sir but we have to request that she speaks to our psychiatrist." A woman's voice drowned as I stared up at the flowery wall of the hospital. "Something isn't right with her, and we need to know what."

Shaking my head I pulled myself out of the hard bed and headed towards the wall. The tiles were cold against my feet but I didn't mind. I just wanted to leave, and the fastest way to do that was to just get up and leave.

'They are going to stop you.' Shaking my head I kept walking, pausing as I touched the painting. Running my hand against it I headed toward the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" A nurse asked, smiling as I passed her. "Kid?"

Quickening my pace I headed towards the door, opting to take the stairs rather than the elevator. Of course, they were Icy and running down made my feet hurt, but I couldn't.

Taking a deep breath I made my way into the main hall, pushing forward.

"Oh, sorry... Nadia?"

My heart trembled as I froze. The voice was familiar, and as I turned quickly I felt my heart stop as I locked eyes with none other than Josh Ramsay.

"Hi," I whispered smiling weakly. "What are you doing here?"

"Examination, want to see if anything is going on up here-" Josh taped his head with a finger. "-You?"

"I threw a block at a classmate, and she ended up here." I admired, dropping my head. "I never meant to hurt her, I didn't even mean to hit her. I just wanted to scare her."

Josh was silent for a moment before nodding, glancing up as a few nurses rushed up. "Can I pick you up?"

"I would rather not be touched. By anyone." I whispered, shaking my head. Josh nodded quietly before heading towards the nurses.

Part of me wanted to take the opening, to leave. But I couldn't. I wanted to know what he was doing, what they were saying.

"Hey kiddo, do you want to know something?" Josh asked, heading forward. "I regularly talk to a therapist, a psychologist technically."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you may need this. Look it's going to be okay, I promise Nadia."

"Thank you, Josh. I just, I know they won't believe me." I whispered, rubbing an eye. "They never do."

"You won't have to worry about that. You're not seeing anyone here. I pulled some strings, they are going to get you in with my doctor for the assessment. "

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. There is something special about you Nadia, " He said smiling as he headed to the entrance. "Cooperate alright?"

Nodding I took one last calming breath before following the nurses back to my room.


	9. Chapter 9

"You figure anything out?" I asked, smiling as Josh climbed into the car next to me."It go well?"

"More or less." I responded, shrugging with a small sigh. "I ran into the girl."

"What happened?"

"Nope. I'm not giving that up, but she's alright."

Travis nodded, smiling as he pulled out of the driveway. Taking his hand I smiled, taking a deep breath as we pulled into Matt's driveway. Matt was sitting on the step with a small smile.

As Tracis parked I hoped put, quickly hopped out and pulled Matt onto a deep hug.

"Hey, Travis called. I don't like hearing that you're in the hospital. Normally. Your getting help, I'm proud of you Josh. " He said, quickly kissing my cheek as Travis made his way forward. "He also said something about a bit of a different relationship possibility."

"Yeah, I want both of you. Not one or the other." I responded, face quickly turning a cherry red. "Both of you at once."

Matt nodded, smiling as Travis pulled us close. My heart was fluttering as I snuggled, following both of them inside to the couch. It was a nice day, but it was better in the house. More private than the porch.

"How are you love?" Matt asked, kissing my cheek. "Other than the possibility of a bigger issue."

"Tired, I haven't really been sleeping great. Not to mention confused about Nadia and wondering what the hell is going to happen to me." I responded, shaking my head with a small sigh. "The depression is lasting longer than normal. Its probably a result of triggers, but the Doctors can't be certain."

Matt nodded, standing quickly with a small smile. "Why don't I get us some coffee then we talk."

"Coke."

"Coffe or nothing Josh" Mart teased, shrugging.

"What about tea?"

"I might have some earl grey."

"Sugar cubes?"

Matt glared slightly, rolling his eyes as he disappeared momentarily, running with a small dish.

"Thank you."

Travis chucked, quickly moving to help Matt. It wasn't long before the two returned with drinks, Travis pacing a small teacup in front of me with the tray of sugar.

Quietly thanking him I poured myself a mug, dropping in a cube of sugar quickly followed by two more.

"We really do need to talk Josh. I was hoping you could tell us about the dreams." Travis said after a growing length of silence, watching as I began during. Two more sugar was dropped into the tea before I turned to him.

"It's always the same. I'm in a desert, a brilliant red desert. I look up at the sky and it's also red two moons." I responded, "Everything is calm for a bit then these gongs go off. It sounds so strange like they're underwater or something."

"That's when the screaming starts, and I'm making my way through a destroyed town, shooting something. I don't know what, but I know they are bad." Adding more suggar I took a deep breath. "That's all O really remember, everything ends with an explosion and I wake up."

Neither responded as I dropped one last Cube in my tea and took a sip. "Questions?"

"How the fuck?" Travis muttered with a small chuckle. "Do you consume that?"

"Drinking it."

"Ask a smart ass." He sighed shaking his head. "Nothing about Nadia then?"

"No, nothing."

"It's early. We will figure this out, Josh. We are going to find your relationship and we are going to fix your past." Matt whispered, sipping his coffee with a small chuckle. "Really dude, that's really bad for you."

"I know."

"Alright. Well, it's two now, have either of you eaten lunch?"

"Nope," Travis responded with a small shrug.

"What do you want in your waffle?"

Travis was silent for a moment, turning to me as I chuckled. As he perked an eyebrow I simple locked eyes with him and sipped my tea.

"Strawberry."

"Alright. I will make ours and then Joshes." Matt responded, smiling as I remained seated. "It won't be too long."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shugar Cube Tottal: 10


	10. Chapter 10

Entering the large room I smiled brightly as I caught sight of the large collection of rainbow blocks. Rushing to the corner I quickly began storing them, looking g up as the door opened once more, revealing a kind-looking woman.

"Hello Nadia, my name is Heather."

"Hi," I said, turning my attention to my sorting.

"What's your process?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, pausing as I took note of the extra colours. This set had the normal rainbow, but it also had pink, indigo, brown whight and cyan blocks.

"Well, you seem quite intent on putting them in just the right order so I was wondering what your thought process was, and how they should be sorted," Heather responded. "So I know for next time someone wants to use them, I can have them in the best order."

"Well, it depends on the strength of the colour. More powerful colours go at the bottom, and you work up from there." I responded with a small nod. "With the added colours the order would be as follows: brown, purple, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, red, cyan, white."

Heather nodded, smiling as I began working up the walls. The corner was occupied so I had to make do with what I had, but calculating for an extra two walls wouldn't be too hard.

"What makes red so weak?"

"It hardly has to do any work to keep the rainbow up, it also shows that we are hurt or lying, or embarrassed. It represents anger, a very hard to control emotion and it shows fire which always is put as weak to water." I responded with a small nod. "You know I didn't mean to hurt her right?"

Heather was silent for a.moment before she nodded, hitting down a few notes. "And brown is the strongest because it's the earth right?"

"Yes. Not only that but there are trees which live hundreds of years and people of colour."

Heather's eyes widened for a moment, shock entering her eyes. Letting out a small breath I pulled my attention to my building, starting the first layer of blue.

"Could you explain?"

"Well they were slaves at one point, but they are alive now," I responded, shrugging. "Without them, white people would be nowhere. Without the terrible actions taken by white people of the past and slaves, history would be completely different. Today would probably never happen in that case."

"That's not exactly how slavery works, but I think I understand where you're coming from," Heather said, letting out a soft sigh. "Are you always this blunt?"

Shrugging, I let out a small sigh giving up on my walls. Quicky I began placing the bricks back into the container.

"I don't mean to offend, I'm sorry Nadia. "

"It's fine. I don't want to build anymore. " I responded. "But I don't want to talk about it either."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Why did Josh say I was special? Most people hear I had an outburst and hurt someone, and instantly think I'm a freak or a psychopath." I responded, taking a deep breath. "No one likes to hear my side, but he seemed to think that you would."

Heather fell silent for a moment, but soo she was helping me return the blocks to there place. She was following my actions, so I let her. She only placed blocks how I placed them, and she didn't mix the colours.

"What is your side of the story?" She asked after everything was put away, nodding to the couch. "What happened that made you throw the brick?"

"I didn't want to play with the blond girl so I told her to go away. Then some other kids came and wouldn't leave me alone." I responded, taking a deep breath as my heart picked up its pace. "I just wanted to scare her, I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Why I'd you want to scare them?"

"Then they would leave me alone. I was angry, I just wanted to be alone."

"Alright. But you didn't want to hurt anyone."

"No, not really. I mean yes, but I was so angry and I more wanted them scared than hurt." I responded, cleansing my shirt in my fists. "And I didn't want blood. If I had to hurt, I just wanted to bruise. Because then they would go to the nurse and I could have me calm down space."

Heather quickly glanced at the clock before nodding. Scribbling a few things brown she paused, flipping to a blank page.

"How do you know Josh Ramsay?"

"I met him at a concert and we became fast friends," I responded with a small smile. "He reminds me of myself you know."

"How is that?"

"I'm not sure. But I trust him, I trust him in a way I would only trust someone similar to myself."


	11. Chapter 11

Stretching my back I quietly rolled out of bed, pausing momentarily as I realized neither Travis nor Matt were in the room. Looking at the clock I let out a soft chuckle as I read the time _10:17 AM_, I had actually slept in.

Heading out of the room I quickly pulled Matt into a deep hug, kissing his cheek before doing the same with Travis.

"I figured since you seemed peaceful last night I would let you sleep in a bit," Matt said, smiling as he handed me a cup of tea. "I am not, however, allowing you to have ten sugar today. I put five and even then felt like it was expensive. "

"Fair," I said with a small shrug, sitting at the table. "I had a different dream last night. It didn't really add too much, but I guess geography."

"Really?" Travis asked smiling as he sat next to me.

"Yeah. I was in a field, near a waterfall. The grass was purple and smelled sweet. I just sat under a large tree and enjoyed the sounds of nature."

"Nothing huge but still important."

"The only thing is I feel like I have been sitting for hours." I sighed, carefully stretching once more.

"Well I mean I suppose we could go on a walk today, it's quite nice out," Travis suggested, turning to Matt.

"Why not?" Matt shrugged making his way to my side. "Can you sit backwards for a sec?"

Sliding away from the table I turned my chair around, sitting on it backwards with a small shrug. Before I could ash what to do next, Matt placed a hand on my left shoulder, rolling his fist gently next to the bone. Working slowly he carefully pushed on both sides of the joint before massaging down my side.

"Thank you," I said, smiling as he worked his way to the other side. "Don't know what I did last night, but my entire back hurts."

"So do you think that a walk is actually a good idea or do you want to put a heating pack on it?" Matt asked, voice soft.

"Are you concerned about my physical health? If so I will take it easy."

"You seem tense. Not in a nerves way, just sore tense." Travis said, smile fading slightly. "Maybe we could make an appointment to get you a massage?"

"That would also be nice. Nothing against you Matt but a professional massage might do me good."

"Alright. After lunch, we can see where we can get you in." Matt said, heading to the kitchen as the oven beeped.

"What are we doing for food?"

"Chicken nuggets," Matt responded with a smile.

* * *

"I found a place that has a spot available in two hours. " Travis called, smiling as he made his way next to me. "Not that far even."

"Alright, might as well book it," I responded, smiling as he gently kissed my forehead. "Where is Matt at?"

"He wanted to get in a quick jog, needed some air."

"I really did want to go for a walk."

"I know, you just slept weird." Travis shrugged, sitting next to me with his laptop on his lap.

"I want Matt to come home. He makes better tea than you, and I want tea."

Travis playfully pouted, finishing the registration before placing the laptop on the bedside table. Pulling me into a kiss, he chuckled, laying against my side.

"He will be back soon. Then we can a snuggle."


	12. Chapter 12

Heading out of the Massage room I quickly pulled Matt and Travis into a deep hug, following them back to the car. Climbing into the back, I grabbed my bottle of coke and took a swig.

"You really shouldn't drink that stuff so often." Travis sighed lightly, shaking his head as he started driving. "At least balance it with like water or something."

"I drink water during concerts. "

"You don't drink enough water." Matt sighed, shaking his head. "I think one of the things we are going to need to work on is your freaking diet."

Sighing I shook my head, shrugging as Matt lightly glared back at me.

'You probably should eat better.' I scolded myself, gently biting my lip as I looked out the window. 'Maybe it could help with your weight.'

My heart stopped momentarily as te words played themselves over in my head. 'Help with your weight.'

"Matt, can we not worry about that right now? I want to focus on figuring out my current situation."

"Why?" He asked glancing back with a concerned frown

"I just feel like it's a bit more important than my junk food intake," I responded, half-heartedly smiling. I could feel my heart fluttering, but quickly the fear was gone.

"Alright. That's fair. Just tell us if you need anything okay?"

"Yeah, of course Travis."

* * *

The rest of the drive home was quiet, and I quickly made myself to the couch, pulling out my Gameboy and absorbing myself into a game.

"Hey Josh, can we talk about that reaction quick. I'm not going to say that anything is going on per say, but you seemed to get nervous. "

"I know Matt, I had a moment. It wasn't the worse, but I just felt better focusing on something else."

"But you are okay now?"

"I'll heal. It wasn't bad at all just a sudden and very minor intrusion." I responded, saving my name as he kissed me softly. "Snuggles?"

Matt was quiet as he lifted under my legs, holding me close to his chest. Carrying me to the bed he gently lay me down on the bed with a smile.

"Now what?"

"Nappy." I responded, turning my game of and placed it on the bedside table.

"Okay Josh." Matt responded, kissing my cheek. "Let me just grab your journal, just in case you need to write. "

"Okay. Matt, your the best snuggle buddy."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and you smell like cotton candy and sour patch kids."

Chuckling Matt, collapsed next to me. "I forgot you could smell base scents. What does Travis smell like?"

"Crackerjack and pretzel. Hint if strawberry milkshake."

"Do you know what your own scent is?"

"I've been told candy apple and black licorice."

Chuckling Matt paused, nuzzling against my kneck. I could feel him take a deep sniff before chuckling as he smirked.

"You really do." He responded, gently pulling me to the pillows. "I can't smell it that well, but it's interesting. I would peg slight carmel, but I get candy."

Chuckling I kissed him crawling under the sheets. "When Travis coming to bed?"

"Probably later." Matt sighed, kissing my forehead. "But I can get him if you want quick."

"Its okay,"

"Alright. Try to get some shut eye. I may leave for a bit but if you want to play catch up, by all means do so."


	13. Chapter 13

Heading into Heather's office I smiled as I saw the table. There were paints laid out and several canvases. Some had paintings on them and others were still in the plastic.

"Still working with Nadia?" I asked, pulling out a chair and sitting. "Or did you just decide to go with a hands-on day?"

"I thought it would be a good idea to get her focused on something like painting." She responded with a smile. "Then I figured you might also want to do something hands-on."

"Well, I do," I said, chuckling lightly. "Thank you by the way, for taking her in."

"Of course Josh. Now, why don't we start somewhere simple today? I just want to know how your feeling."

"I'm alright. I mean better than yesterday."

"May I ask what happened yesterday?"

"I had a moment." I shrugged grabing a pencil and getting to work. "It wasn't bad just caught me off guard."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I hope it didn't throw off your day too badly."

"No. I actually slept in but ended up needing a massage. I slept kind of weird."

Heather chuckled softly with a smile, quickly taking noted as she glanced down at the picture I was working on. I hadn't gotten very far, but she seemed curious as I started on the background.

"Who are they?"

Pausing I glanced down at the picture, hitting my lip as I shrugged. "Not sure yet."

Heather nodded. "Have you had any more dreams?"

"I had one with a beautiful waterfall and fields with purple grass," I responded. "That was last night. Well no not last night. The night before last. Last Night I saw a city, in a glass dome. "

"Like that one?" She asked, watching as I began painting the tall buildings. "That's a very interesting place."

"The weird part is I'm starting to think it's real. I don't know how that's possible."

"Well, why can't it be?"

"I never said it definitely wasn't possible," I responded with a small shrug, gently biting my tongue as I worked on the blending and shading.

"That's going to take some time to finish."

"Yeah, but we have weekly appointments this month. And I made sure to book double, considering the soothing we have been needing to do." I responded. "So we have time."

"Josh, have you been having bubbles enthusiasm?"

"What do you mean?"

"Moments when you feel happy and great, short little bubbles where you could care less. "

"Kind of."

Nodding she wrote something down, smiling supportively as my face fell. It was almost a solid minute before she looked up again.

Taking a deep breath I turned back to my painting carefully checking if the building was dry before working on the sunset. My heart was still going quite fast, but my hand remained steady as I focused on the painting.

I must have gotten quite pulled into my work because after not too long, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking over I smiled as Travis let out a soft sigh.

"Hey, Josh. I forgot how multi-talented you really were. " He said, running a hand through my hair. "Come one, we should get going. It kind of late."

"What?"

"Heather made note that you were hyper-focused but that she felt confidant letting you work. Apparently she thinks the painting is going to help you out. It's been about three hours."

"I'm sorry, it's almost done. Maybe five minutes?"

"Alright Josh. I believe you. That's fuking amazing by the way." Travis said smiling.

The painting was somewhat difficult, but not that big. Two kids -a girl that looked at like Nadia in a blue Alice dress and a young boy that may have been me in a blue pinstripe suit- heading towards a city in a glass dome.

"Josh, who are they?"

"Me. I responded turning back to the final details. "Me and my sister."


	14. Chapter 14

As I sat at the kitchen table I gently bit my lip as I looked between Travis and Matt. After a moment I sighed, following to the living room where the rest of the band was waiting. Everyone seemed confused, a title concerned even as I curled into my large red beanbag chair.

"So you going to tell us what happened?" Mike asked, tilting his head as he looked towards me.

"I got overwhelmed, and I blacked out," I admitted with a small whimper. "Fuck, I don't really know past that."

"And that's okay Josh. You had a bit of a panic attack, but that happens sometimes."

"I blacked out! That doesn't just 'happen sometimes' Travis."

"So all that means is that you need to take some time to slow down Josh. No one is going to judge you, and no one is upset with you."

"Then why are you all so disappointed!"

"No one is Josh. Were a little worried about you, but that it.c Mike whispered, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Travis called saying that you had a bit of an episode and that you blacked out, but your remembered something."

'Me and my sister.' The words echoed in my mind loudly as my breath hitched once more. The girl that looked like Nadia-that probably was Nadia- was my sister. But that wasn't possible. Mom didn't have any more kids after me.

"We can't be related. I would know if Mom had another daughter. It's just, I'm just being stupid." I whispered, breath growing warm as I tried to relax it. "It's just an overactive imagination and a need for a connection. That has to be it."

"Josh. There are ways, and there are reasons." Travis whispered, pulling me into a supportive hug as my breath hitched. "But maybe we should figure out where that is, maybe figure a few more things out."

"But it's not a real place. Nothing looks like that we have one sun."

"Who said it had to be earth?" Matt asked, snuggling into my other side. "Who said you have to be from earth?"

"But that makes no sense!"

"Neither dose you having all the quote, birth mutations, that you have." Ian soothed, smiling softly. "I'm going to go look it up, I'll be back if I find something. "

Standing Ian headed into the kitchen, but I never heard the door close. Turning to Mike I let it a small whimper, eyes burning with tears.

"Josh, it's okay. We don't know if you're a human why does that matter? Sure you can't remember your past, but does that really change who you are?"

"Yes! What if I'm some crazy murderer and remembering will send me into a murderous fit! What if I did something terrible or am on the run?" I hissed, voice breaking as I slowly began sobbing. "What if I'm a war criminal Mike? What if I was the bad person in those dreams?"

No one responded, room failing into a heavy silence. After a moment, Mike joined the hug holding me close as I lost control of the tears. Everything felt like it was filled with lead as I curled into a small ball, blind and deaf to the world around me. Everything was dark and blurry and my ears were ringing as I struggled to regain control of my emotions, hearts pounding painfully in my chest.

'Hearts, two.'

* * *

Letting out a small sigh I clicked to the next page of Google. I was on the fourth page and nothing had really stood out, and there was only six total.

Making my way down the second last page my eyes landed on it. _Home of a Freind, A painting for simply The Doctor._

'The Doctor?' Clicking the arrival I gently bit my lip. It had been published four years ago, but I could remember seeing it anywhere.

_Today a grand discovery was made when two teenagers brought a painting and letter signed by Vincent Von Gogh to a museum last week. _

_At first, it was thought to be a hoax, as the painting depicted a place, not of this planet. As shown in the picture below it depicts a large city in a dome of glass, two suns low in the sky behind it._

'The city in glass. This is definitely weird.'

_Historians were shocked when they were able to not only authenticate the painting but the letter as well. The letter read as follows: _

_" My dearest Doctor,_

_The likely hood of this letter ever finding your person seems quite slim, as I know you to be from another world entirely. Yet I find myself compelled to write to you as if you will, to act on that little bit of hope that you have given me. _

_I must thank you first and far most for helping me get rid of the monster that stalked me. It was quite troubling instead, but you made it more than worth the hope._

_Second I decided to paint a picture for you, as you seemed to need it. Your description of home was that of a man who had lost it, a man who had seen the hardships of war and struggled with the battles of his own mind. _

_This painting is going to depict your home capital, the city of glass you so elegantly described. I can see it every time I close my eyes now, the way the sun's dip and cause the sky to swirl with colours more brilliant than most can see. _

'_Reds deeper than Ruby, and greens that would make even the most beautiful emerald jealous.' I have never heard of a place with such life, and I find myself mourning for your loss. I find myself hoping that one day, this painting will return at least a tiny sliver of hope to you._

_ I may be breaking some of your rules of time Doctor, but I know that you have done the same for me. Showing me all of my work on display in that museum, it made my day a little easier to bear with. I never knew that I could ever mean so much to anyone. That I would, or I suppose will mean anything. _

_I know the paint kit I gave you upon your departure was probably more than adequate of a gift, but I feel you may need the same pick me up that you offered me. This is my way of offering it. _

_For your other issue, I can not fathom why you would want to be ginger. It seems more a burden than anything to me, as it draws the attention of many and brings along with it the occasional dark look on its own. Your hair is the way it is for a reason, but I suppose that I could give a better explanation of why it suits you more than your desired Red. _

_You do have a pale complexion, yet it works. Your hair and your eyes are similarly dark and you hold yourself in a way that only someone with years of life ever could. _

_You should be proud of the way you look dear friend, not disappointed._

_ Thank you again, Doctor,_

_ Vincent VonGogh  
_

Letting out a soft chuckle I stood and headed back into the room, holding out my phone as Travis tilted his head.

"Home of a Freind, Vincent von Gohh dedicated to a man only ever referred to as The Doctor," I said, making my way to Josh. "Whoever the hell you were, you totally broke the laws of time, but you got paint from Von Gogh."

"This is the same place, Josh. The painting definitely is the same city as yours." Travis whispered, smiling softly as he turned to Josh. "You're not a criminal, you're a legend."

"What do you mean a legend?"

"I have read somewhere, a long time ago that on one of his other paintings rings there is a Police Box. A British police box, and in another is a name, Amy Pond." Travis responded, handing me back my phone. "So I did some digging and after a while found a bunch of theories as to who the Doctor was. Pages of results for one simple question."

"Doctor who," Josh whispered, taking a deep breath and whipping his eye. "But I remember growing up here on earth."

"Completely possible, I actually managed to find a declassified document from, what was it..." Travis paused furrowing his brow. "Nineteen forty-two, depicting the events of, and I quote, the regeneration of the Doctor. It went on to explain the similarities and differences between two of his forms."

"That doesn't help me."

"Well, what if you turned into a child?"

"I guess that would explain some things, but not Nadia," Josh responded. "I don't think many people escaped from the planet if she was like me then how could she be alive?"

"I could try and do some digging into declassified UNIT documents. There aren't that many but I bet we will be at to find more about you."

Nodding I smiled at Josh. His eyes had lit up and he was sitting tall.

"So our lead singer is an alien that can change form and has been here since the forties?" Matt asked with a small chuckle. "That's really cool."

"I am the Doctor," Josh whispered, mind racing as his face fell to a much more thoughtful one. "I am the Doctor."

"Josh?"

"I am the Doctor. I'm from the planet of Gallifrey in the constipation of Castabros." He said standing triumphantly. "I'm over nine hundred years old and I have been travelling the world most of my life."

"People will tell you that I am a force of chaos or that death and destruction are my only two permanent companions and they would be right. Yet that's not all I ever bring. I also bring hope and adventure, and safety. I bring life." He continued pacing the length of the room with a half-smirk. "I have always protected the earth, it's my home now."

"Josh, take a deep breath. I know this is amazing news, but you do need to breathe." Travis said, gently taking him by the shoulder.

"I need to introduce myself. Please, Travis, let me formally introduce myself. "

"Okay Josh, but then you need to sit," Travis responded, releasing his hold on the man's shoulder.

Making his way to the center of the room Josh smiled brightly. "Hello, I'm the Doctor."


	15. Chapter 15

Pulling out a chair I sat, groaning a new canvas before smiling over at Heather. She seemed happy to see me and even offered a wave before grabbing her notebook and sitting across from me.

"Hello Nadia, how have things been since we last saw each other?"

"Not bad, Unkle Rian got mad that I wasn't just being quiet," I responded, turning to the canvas once more and begging my work. This time I started on a large navy police box in a beautiful red and purple vortex.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Does he always get upset like that?"

"He's not being mean, but I think he's disappointed that I need help."

"Alright, and how have you been feeling?"

"Alright, I haven't been alowed back to school yet, but they think that won't last too much longer as long as things go well," I responded, carefully swirling the background. "I don't want to go back."

"Why not?"

"People don't like me. I mean I don't really interact with them, but I do care what they think. I just don't always understand." I admitted with a small shrug. "Besides, I've been doing better this way."

"I suppose, but this isn't an end-all. You still need proper schooling of some sort." Heather responded letting out a small sigh. "You'll figure it out eventually."

Nodding, I let out a small sigh.

"May I ask if you feel your focus has shifted from blocks to paint?"

"A bit, but the blocks are useful. They help give me space." I replied, quickly glancing over at her with a small smile. "But I like painting, I always have."

"It is good to have a hobby," Heather responded, chucking softly. "What's that?"

"The TARDIS. I see it in my dreams sometimes. Time and Relative Dimensions in Space."

"Why does it look like that?"

"It's broken. It's supposed to blend in but it got stuck like that."

"Interesting."

"You know my brother always used to tell me tales about travelling but he never let me go with him," I said smiling. "I miss him, I don't know why ended up here, but I know I have to find him again."

"What's his name, maybe I can help."

"Theta Sigma. Well kind of, he doesn't really have one. He goes by the Doctor, and he can change how he looks."

"Really. Why haven't you told me about these things before?"

"They went important before."

"Well, I suppose it doesn't hurt that you tell me now," Heather said, jotting down some notes. "Do you think that you know where your brother is?"

"Not really, but I got thinking about it. Josh reminds me of him, I don't know if he is but they are similar." I responded, adding detail with a smile. "They are both very caring about others, and they put everyone before themselves."


	16. Chapter 16

Taking a deep breath I silently collapsed on my bed, running a hand through my hair. It had been a long day filled with interviewers asking about my plans for another album. I had managed to get some information out, but I had never really been able to focus. That wasn't really my main concern, but I was not going to openly admit my new found information until I could properly understand and explain it to myself.

'You're a time lord, from another planet and now you are trapped here and don't know why.' I thought gently rubbing my eyes with an exasperated sigh. 'Heck, you can't even really remember your past! You're going off of minimal information at best.'

Shaking my head I rolled onto my side, taking a deep calming breath. My hearts were pounding in my chest, and my mind was slightly foggy as I tried to relax. I had no reason to be upset, but my mind was racing too fast. Every thought staying only long enough to register, the next coming before I could properly process the last. My breath was shaking as a chill ran down my spine, eyes growing warm as tears quickly started forming in the corners. The world was soon blurred by tears as I struggled not to cry, a phantom terror plaguing my heart.

'No, don't do this.' I silently plead, my mind quickly screeching to a halt and going blank. 'I don't need this right now.'

Gently biting my lip I curled into a ball, tears streaming down my cheeks as I started silently sobbing. Holding a large sheet close to my chest I buried my face into it, trying to think of anything to fill the emptiness in my mind. Sadly all that came to mind were questions, questions that had no answers and that quickly fell into the silence. Nothing was staying more than a second, melting into the painful silence that now surrounded me.

Trembling I pushed myself from the bed, struggling to keep myself from running into anything I rushed to the living room and grabbing the first person I ran into. I felt them wrap their arms around me as I pushed my face into there shoulder, struggling slightly to breathe as they gently pet my back.

"Hey, it's okay Josh. Your okay, I know your mind is messing with you, but you have to belive me alright?" Matt whispered, drawing a soft gasped breath from my lips. "Hey, deep breaths, take your time. Just take deep breaths."

Struggling I forced myself to take a deep, trembling breath chest slightly burning as it was quickly followed by a trembly broken fit of struggles.

"Take your time Josh, don't overwhelm your body. Don't force it if it hurts. Just try and slow your breathing." Matt whispered, gently kissing my cheek. "You'll get there, This will be over soon and you're going to be okay. You may have a headache, but you will get through this."

Following Matt's instructions, I took a slightly deeper breath, slowly increasing the amount of air each time until they evened out. As the pain slowly subsided I stayed tucked in his shoulder, refusing to leave the hug. He was so warm, and his soft scent was relaxing. Holding me close Matt continued to bet my back, kissing my cheek after a moment.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I don't really remember." I admitted quietly, nuzzling against this cheek.

"That's alright, you're okay now and that's what matters."

"Thank you, Matt."


	17. Chapter 17

Following Josh, to the back yard, I smiled gently pulling him into a back hug. Kissing his kneck I chuckled softly. Despite it being somewhat cold out his body was warm against my skin. Gently nipping his kneck, I ran a hand down his chest gently. 

"Come on Trav, Moms visiting." He whispered, chucking softly. "Not right not okay?"

"Oh come on Josh, you know you're into it." I teased, nipping his kneck hard. Not quite hard enough to draw blood, just hard enough to leave a mark, drawing a gasped moan from Josh.

"Oh you fucker, Daddy is going to punish you tonight." He hissed, glaring playfully. "Then you are going to regret not listening to Daddy."

Laughing lightly I playfully continued nipping his kneck. Josh softly moaned, face turning cherry red as he gave in to the pleasure, tilting his head to give me better access to his kneck. Smirking I dropped my other hand to his crotch, pushing it down the front of his low rise 'black licorice'' pants, and palming his cock.

"Oh fuck me." He hissed quietly, swallowing as I gently nipped his ear.

"That's the plan love," I responded, pausing as the door behind us slid open. Glancing behind me I chuckled lightly, quickly pulling my hands out and simply wrapping them around Josh as his mother made his way to my side. Chuckling lightly I took a deep breath, blocking his kneck with my head. "Hello, Ms. Ramsay." 

Josh gasped lightly, blushing even deeper. Taking a deep breath, he swallowed softly biting his lip. "Hi, Mom."

"I was wondering what you boys were up to." She responded, a knowing tone in her voice. "It's somewhat cold outside."

"I was just getting fresh air," Josh responded taking a deep breath. "I was not planing this."

Josh's Mom chuckled softly shaking her head with a bright smile. "Well as long as your carful, then I don't really mind. Be safe, and be happy."

"You're not disappointed?" 

"Why would I be?" 

"Well, I mean it's not exactly Christian," Josh whispered, chuckling weakly. 

"That's alright Josh. It doesn't have to be Josh. If being with more than one person makes you happy, then go and be happy." She whispered, smiling as Josh pulled back. "You alright? What's going on?" 

"I mean with finding out I was adopted." Josh sighed, gently biting his lip as he headed towards the other rail. "I'm just trying to figure things out. I have a past that I don't remember."

"Josh, your okay," I whispered, making my way to his side. "We are going to figure this out. You know some things, but what you don't everyone is going to help."

"But I forgot. I forgot everything that happened to me. I failed at life. You don't just forget meeting Vincent Von Gogh, and somehow I have! What else have I forgotten? Who else have I forgotten?" Josh hissed, turning quickly. "How do you expect me to live with that?"

"Josh, your upset I get that. You just need to take a deep breath and try to calm down. You're going to be alright." I whispered smiling lightly. "You have every right to be angry, but we are going to get your memories back."

"I don't want them back! I was fine, not knowing! I honestly just wish I never found out!" 

"Josh."

"No! Don't Josh me. I have been trying to come to terms with this for two weeks and I can't! I have been jumping from emotion to fucking emotion because my mind can't handle everything that is going through it at the moment, yet you want to tell me it's all going to be okay? It's not! Everything is wrong!" He hissed, glaring darkly as his eyes slowly began filling with tears. "I hate this so fucking much! I hate myself to an extent."

"Josh Love, you're okay. I promise." Josh's mom whispered heading forward with a soft smile. "Why don't we go inside, talk it out?"

"I don't want to talk. I just want to be alone."

"That's alright Josh, I get it. Just please stay safe." His mom whispered, taking me by the shoulder and leading me to the door. "And dont stay outside too long."

Glancing back I let out a small sigh as Josh nodded, following his mother into the house.

"Dont worry too much Travis, he's going to be alright. He dose have a lot on his plate."

"I know. I just, cant help it."

"And that is amazing, but in a situation like this he needs his space."

Nodding I headed to the couch, collapsing with a small sigh.


	18. Chapter 18

Slinking into the living room, gently biting the string of my hoodie. I could feel my heart fluttering as everyone turned to me, a soft smile crossing several people's faces. Twirling the other string I made my way forward towards the group. Thankfully no one commented as I curled into Travis, nuzzling against his chest until he gently started petting my back. Purring lightly, I gently kissed his cheek before rubbing my eye.

"Feel a bit better?" Travis whispered, kissing my forehead gently. 

"A little," I responded, letting out a small sigh. "I'm just kind of tired."

"That's fair. Do you want to head to bed or?"

"I'm alright, I just want to snuggle for a bit," I responded, smiling weakly and nuzzling into his chest. "That alright?"

"Of course Josh. Why wouldn't it be?" 

"That's fair," I responded, purring as Travis began petting my hair. "I love you so much, love."

Taking a deep breath I took in his scent, willing myself to relax. I could feel a tightness in my chest that I was all too familiar with. Every time I dealt with my depression, every time my mind dipped into the darkness and refused to resurface. The deepest parts of my mind that always caused me physical pain. At the moment it was just there, waiting, but I could feel it growing and spreading. It was going to consume every inch of me until I couldn't move, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I could also feel everyone's eyes on me and as much as I knew that my mind was lying, I couldn't help but feel slightly judged. Everything left so heavy, I just wanted to disappear, to fold into myself and to vanish. The shadows on my heat were slowly draining the heat from my body and I felt a shiver run down my spine. The world around me was muffled, and my head was pounding.

Whimpering slightly I gasped as I felt myself being lifted, stuffing my face into Travis's shoulder as he headed towards the stairs. "Where are we going?"

"Bed, you need rest. Not sleep necessarily, rest." He whispered, kissing my kneck with a soft sigh. "I can feel the tension in your body. Your mind is playing tricks on you, I get that. But we need to start countering it now, alright?"

Nodding I rested against his shoulder, pouting as he set me on the bed. "Hey, none of that. You know I have to get this place fixed up if you're in the dark area."

"I know T. I'm just tired, and I really don't feel great." I admitted, chuckling as he gently tossed me my lavender pillow. "Thanks."

"Don't worry about it Josh, get some rest."

Nodding I snuggled under my sheets, slowly allowing myself to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late updates, I've been sick and struggling with Writers block.


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